


beyond any oath

by displayheartcode



Category: The Dark Artifices Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Always a Different Sex, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Angst and Romance, Demisexuality, F/F, Female Julian Blackthorn, Post-Book 1: Lady Midnight, Pre-Book 2: Lord of Shadows
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:20:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23774476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/displayheartcode/pseuds/displayheartcode
Summary: Jules and Emma try to find the balance in their relationship.
Relationships: Julian Blackthorn/Emma Carstairs
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	beyond any oath

**Author's Note:**

> listen, someone had to write this. their relationship actually feels forbidden when they're both girls.

The _parabatai_ rune inked over Jules’ skin pulsed like a second heartbeat.

 _Don’t think about it,_ she told herself. She strayed by the doorway to the training room, watching Emma and Cristina practice their sword fighting. Emma was a golden, laughing blur of light, Cortana flashing in the air as she blocked Cristina’s every advance. Jules wondered if Emma felt the tenuous connection between them.

Even if she was now dating Mark.

Cristina lowered her borrowed short-sword. “Jules! Feel like joining us?”

Jules tried not to look at Emma, tried to keep the fractured pieces of her heart were pressed dangerously close to her skin every time they were near each other. The last week appeared like snapshots in her mind: Emma in the ivory dress, Emma fighting by her side at the Convergence, Emma in her arms with saltwater crusted in her hair, Emma kissing her in the art room, her whole body folding like silk in Jules’ hands. “It’s okay,” she said. “I was only passing by.”

A look of disappointment quickly flashed over Emma’s face.

-

Her seraph blade burst into light. “Emma, Em, what happened?”

Emma pressed her bloodied knuckles into her mouth. The air around them stank of the ashy remains of rogue vampires. “M’good. _Ow!”_

“You punched a vampire in the face,” Jules said, exasperated. She sheathed her blade and carefully stepped around the crumbled remains of the tombstones. Reaching Emma, she automatically pulled her _stele_ out. They’d done this a hundred times, with Emma bleeding and Jules there to help her heal.

Groaning, Emma offered her injured arm. “Well, he tried to _bite_ me.”

Jules traced the edges of a healing rune on the side of Emma’s arm. Watching the long gouges turn into shallow scars. Why couldn’t Emma be more careful around hungry vampires? Especially the ones who deliberately preyed on tourists…

Then Jules made the mistake of meeting Emma’s eyes and felt some part of her shatter. The memory of kissing her filled Jules’ mind, Emma's dark blonde hair falling around her face, their bodies colliding with the words of the _parabatai_ oath binding them together. She was walking a thin line between salvation and destruction and being in Emma’s presence was making Jules unsteady.

 _Think of the Law,_ a voice whispered in the back of her mind.

Jules let her fingers linger briefly on Emma’s skin. Emma made a funny gasping sound before pulling her arm back.

They turned away from each other. It was easier than accepting anything else. They walked through the graveyard n a continued silence.

-

Desire was a complicated thing for Jules to understand. She’d watched Helen and Aline fall in love despite their world telling them not to, seen Emma flirt with Cameron Ashdown on the beach, heard gossip from various Shadowhunters about the latest romantic scandal and disaster, but she always felt separated, like she was watching a movie unfold.

Falling for Emma was a terrible thing. Jules recounted every reason why when she couldn’t fall back to sleep or found herself absentmindedly sketching the curve of Emma’s shoulder in her sketchbook. They were both girls; they were best friends and more importantly, _parabatai_ , that being together could shatter their entire family.

 _Lex malla, lex nulla,_ Jules reminded herself, but she knew the Law by heart. She’d seen Emma sit with Mark at breakfast with her bright laugh and shining eyes. Emma was one day going to forget the kisses they shared and fall in love with some boring Shadowhunter guy while Jules knew there was no one else for her. It was the best possible option for a happy ending. No exile. No death. Just separating their hearts from each other

But _Mark?_

Jules couldn’t wrap her mind around it.

-

“Are we still friends?” Emma asked in a quiet voice. She sat down next to Jules on the beach, her long hair tangled in the wind. Pale scars littered her tanned skin, the edges of her _Parabatai_ rune as stark and black as it had been since their ceremony. The purple of her sundress matched the flowers that grew in clumps by the rocks.

Jules stared at the horizon where the sea blurred with the sky. “Entreat me not to leave thee—”

“Not that,” Emma snapped. Her expression was bold as she grabbed Jules’ hand. “Julia Blackthorn, are we friends or not?”

Jules felt her own _Parabatai_ rune itch. “We go beyond any oath.”

“I know.” Emma squeezed her hand. “For whither thou goest, I will go.”

It was closest Jules felt there was going to be any sort of confession between them.


End file.
